Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
