she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I won the penis lottery.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is wine microwaveable?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
