you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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