My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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