Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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