just tell him i said nine months
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
