then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize