he wants to bone in the snuggie
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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