The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
