It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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