and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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