Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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