I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
