I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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