I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
