im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
