What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
