my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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