I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize