hotel room ftw
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
