guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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