a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
