Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
