I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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