just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
