ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
