If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize