dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
