But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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