i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
