It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
