I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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