p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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