the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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