We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
