I just saw a hot homeless man
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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