I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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