i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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