So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
