Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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