Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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