I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
