Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
