my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
