your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
