Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
