Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
