You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
