If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
