Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
