My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
