come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
