Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
