Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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