he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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