I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
