Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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