And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
