We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
