I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
