ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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