Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
