The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
