Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
