I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize