I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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