pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Green mimosas i think yes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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