Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
