So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
