So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
