My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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