there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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