I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
