hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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