thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
