if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize