she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My dick has a subreddit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
