Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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