So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
