You really coming over, don't trick.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
