I wish my penis had an off switch
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just pynch a tree in the face
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
