Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
