I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
