I wannas sexs uuuuu
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
