apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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