thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
